Thoughts 1

This TV-Less girl is kind of tired. Physically and mentally.
The other day as I was thinking while trying to sleep, I was recalling the present day that I has vividly lived. And as I was remembering details of my Biology of sex class[where all I am learning at the moment is reproduction] I just crawled in my bed, thinking that it is a better idea if I decide no to have children at all [I had already made up my mind previously and said that I would] but as I learn more and more about chromosomes, genes, DNA, family history, and all those little things, I get scared of it. The idea that when I get older I will flip out, and be extremely crazy and out of my head:
1, because of all the things I've done in the past[consciently or not]
2.because of my own sufferment
3,because of the ideas that bother me the most now that i am alone
4,even though i am not that scare
5, and because in the end, i know that i will just keep making the same mistakes
6 and that i will push the one person i love the most, [as i have done in the past]

I have been thinking a lot of where I plan to transfer to study for my masters if I am willing to study, i really do not know what i will do when i graduate, hopefully i have a job or some kind of money invested. I really need a plan, because even though i still have like a year. We are all ready in march and it seem like it was yesterday when i dye my ribbon green for New Years. '09.